So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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