i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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