The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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