I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
