its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
