yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
