The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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