I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
