she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
