so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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