Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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