I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
