Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
