I just threw up on my dentist
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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