so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
