I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.