I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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