if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions