he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?