Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO