those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism