i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
