it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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