I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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