Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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