just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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