I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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