I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
