I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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