hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
