First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
