I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
