ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
