other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
