obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
