I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
