I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
