Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
