there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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