I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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