The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
