"it" just moved
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
