Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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