That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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