Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
