The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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