If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
