So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
