I need help removing her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
