he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
