You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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