it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
