The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
