her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
