Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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