I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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