Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
