How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
