remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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