I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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