'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
