If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
