You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was CRYING into my vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
