me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Randomize
